THRIVING IN A BULLYING WORLD

‘My days in secondary school were precarious and usually filled with instability, for this reason, I became a self-indulged introvert. People took advantage of this and resorted to making vile remarks about my body and how slim I was.

They constantly taunted me with the narrative that I was an HIV patient and that’s why I was so skinny. 

Looking back and reflecting, it is obvious these experiences played a huge role in my belittled self-esteem and confidence. 

I believe that these experiences have shaped my adult self into what it is, shaped me into being an individual who seeks external validation in making her own choices, although, this is something I am trying hard to change. 

Adolescent me never understood and adult me will never understand why people enjoy picking on your insecurities and things you have no control over.’    - TOLUWANI SHOGAOLU 

It is easy to over look bullying when we aren’t a recipient, it is easy to think bullying is ‘just jokes’ or rather in a more hip term, ‘bants’ when we are the bullies, it is easy not to stop to think ‘hey!, how would the victim feel.’

It isn’t hard to believe that humans only hate oppression when they are the oppressed and not the oppressor. 

In simpler context, it is easy for us to excuse bullying when we aren’t on the receiving end. 

What is bullying by the way?

Bullying is an unwavering and purposive Ill-use of power in relationships through consistent verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that seeks to cause probable physical, social and/or psychological harm.

There are tons of people being bullied everyday, tons of people who unlike Toluwani Shogaolu, aren’t even aware that some faults in their social/psychological being are reflections of prior bullying.  

 Egbochuku’s (2007) study on some Nigerian students in Benin City revealed high level prevalence of bullying. It showed that almost four in every five participants, that is (78%), reported being bullied and 85% of the children assented to bullying others at least once. The study further connoted over half of the students (62%) were bullied and 30% bullied others as well. 

 When we hear bullying, we mostly think of PHYSICAL BULLYING which can be someone exerting aggressive physical intimidation on another person and can be in form of hitting, kicking, pushing, shoving etc. but there are more understated forms of bullying, such as:

 

• VERBAL BULLYING: Verbal bullies will use words and relentless insults to taunt, demean, demoralize and hurt their victim. 
• RELATIONAL AGGRESSION: Relational bullies often black ball others from a group, spread rumors, manipulate situations, and break confidences. The sole aim of a relationally aggressive bully is to intensify their own social reputation by controlling or bullying another person.
• CYBER BULLYING: The use of electronic communication to bully a person, typically by sending messages of an intimidating or threatening nature. This form of bullying is nothing strange to active internet users such as myself.  Examples of cyberbullying include posting hurtful images, making online threats, and sending hurtful messages. Cyber bullies often say things that they can’t say in a face to face situation as the internet gives them a faux sense of anonymity. 
• SEXUAL BULLYING: This consists of repeated, harmful, and humiliating actions that target a person sexually. Examples include sexual name-calling, crude comments, vulgar gestures, uninvited touching, sexual propositioning, and pornographic materials. In utmost situations, Sexual bullying may lead to sexual assault. 

There are negative effects of bullying on the victim in both the short and long run, some short term effects may include 

• Social isolation.

• Feelings of shame.

• Low self-esteem.

• School avoidance.

• Symptoms of anxiety.

• Psychosomatic symptoms (stomachaches, headaches, muscle aches, other physical complaints with no known medical cause).

• Poor school performance.

• Symptoms of depression.

 

With proper mental health care, victims will be able to ward of long term effects of bullying but in its absence, the victims are at risk of the following:

• Chronic depression.

• Increased risk of suicidal thoughts, suicide plans, and suicide attempts.

• Anxiety disorders.

• Post-traumatic stress disorder.

• Poor general health.

• Self-destructive behavior, including self-harm.

• Substance abuse.

• Difficulty establishing trusting, reciprocal friendships and relationships.

•Overly reliant on external opinions.

“Kids will be kids” is a popular narrative which gives the impression that bullying is a customary part of growing up.

We say this, yet harbor constant cases of beatings, death threats, and 24-hour harassment via technology/internet, it is evident that bullying has become a dangerous, life-threatening widespread. 

Here are few tips that can help reduce bullying in schools:

• Having an explicit definition of bullying. 
• Set clear and enforceable rules. 
• Involve the parents. 
• Reward positive behavior 
• Have plain-spoken communication with students about bullying and even after situations involving bullying. 

Being a victim of bullying can be emotionally draining and abysmally frustrating - Toluwani Shogaolu 

How can a victim rise above bullying?

Here are some tips to deal with bullying;

• Always have in mind that none of it is your fault, the bully is the problem, not you. 
• Spend time doing things or with people that make you genuinely happy. 
• Always know that the bully is often times an unhappy person and is trying to exert that unhappiness on you and control how you feel, don’t give them the time of day. 
• Be a master in managing stress, try to divert the stress from the negative experiences into something else that interests you, be it fighting lessons 👀. 
• Don’t beat yourself up, don’t let bullying incidents cloud your mind. 
• Finally and most importantly, talk to a trusted person about it, and/or for students report to school authorities, parents or guardians and people whose work environments have an HR department, please report to the HR department. 

In conclusion, Bullies almost always have a truckload of baggage that causes them to behave in such despicable manner, so it is imperative, we recall and retain in mind that being a bully is not a natural predisposition. 

Hope you are staying safe and social distancing during these times...

CHINWEKENE ❤️