RAPE CULTURE?.. We Actually Do Hate To See It..

Hey beautiful person, couldn’t post in a long while, I know I say this at the beginning of every post but believe me it’s true😩, my exams spanned out to a whole month...

So basically I’ve been wanting to talk about 2 things, rape and depression for like a really long time. 

I decided to take my time knowing how delicate they both are but seeing how much the internet has been on the issue of rape triggered this post.

  Just Incase you aren’t clear on what exactly rape means, I’m going to help you understand what it is...
  RAPE  is forcing another person to have sexual intercourse. 

It is non consensual, forced, against their will and definitely something only an animal would do, or wait no! Animals are actually nice creatures, so rape is something only a heartless beast would do. 

Rape doesn’t necessarily involve violence so If as a person, you had to cajole or woo someone who wasn’t interested in having sex or doing anything sexual at that moment, as in you said things or tried every possible way to make them do it even though they already said no, then you my darling are a rapist. I know, you hate to see it, but you are.

The reactions to a recent rape allegation against Biodun Fatoyinbo (a popular pastor, whose  name wreaks of controversies and several rape scandals) by Busola Dakolo (Timi Dakolo’s wife) made me realize that as much as Nigeria has really evolved from victim blaming the victim in rape situations, a large number of us are still rape enablers and rape apologists. 

Rape apologists and enablers are those people whose opinions about rape defends the rapist and blames the victim for being raped.
You’d find them asking questions like, “oh, but why is the victim saying their experience now?”, “why didn’t they say it when it happened?”, “ what were they wearing and why were they wearing that?”... 

All of this shuts the victim up even before they are yet to really speak up.

 The trauma caused  by rape/ sexual harassment/ molestation puts the victims at a higher risk of being suicidal and depressed. 

It’s usually always hard to speak up and the psychological, emotional and even physical effect might live with the victims for a really long time.

Just a a little tea though; in 2016, there were about 162 documented rape cases in Lagos state alone😭, now imagine the ones that were not reported and documented.

 I’ve actually been doing the math on how rapists enjoy sex seeing that the 2nd party is in pain, shock, crying or at worst, incoherent until I stumbled upon an article that relates the sexual harassment to a  mental illness. 

It is called PARAPHILIC COERCIVE DISORDER, This is said to be a mental disorder characterized by persistent urges, fantasies or behaviors involving coercive sexual acts towards non consenting people. But the good part is, this disorder was never established, it was more like just a theory that wasn’t  taken into book. If it was implied in modern medicine, psychiatry and psychology, then rapists would be roaming free and living under the canopy of PCD.
   
 So, there’s a constancy of  many rape cases or sexual harassment cases in Nigeria being swept under the rug because “they don’t want to ruin the family” (if the rapist is a family member) or they don’t want trouble or some families wouldn’t even believe you (I’ve seen a case as this). 

We are in a society that oozes of rapists, rape enablers and apologists, quite a number of the people I know have been sexually harassed one way or the other. 

It’s not just a female thing, there are female rapists too, boys get sexually harassed but are told to man up and deal with it, who created these rules anyway.  

Rape, in Nigeria is seriously overlooked, our laws are not advocative enough to tackle rape. You go to a police station to report a rape or sexual harassment case , I’m damn near sure you’d be asked what the victim was wearing or why they were in a particular place at that time or some gibberish instead of actually tackling the problem. So you see, The problem is us, the people, it is a grassroot pandemic.

I do hope and pray that in Busola Dakolo’s case, justice is duly served and for every other rape case also. I hope and pray that the families and friends or people in a position to help a rape or sexual harassment victim doesn’t choose to live in denial and decide to settle amicably just because the rapist or sex offender is family or a friend or someone they see as a threat 🤒.

  If you have sexually harassed or raped anyone, you don’t deserve to walk a free man and you know that, I hope you get what you deserve for disrupting someone’s  mental, emotional and psychological peace. If you have been raped or sexually harassed before, it was never your fault, please, whenever you are ready, speak up to someone you trust, I’m sorry it happened and it gets better.... trust me.

You may notice I didn’t  use any gender specific pronouns like she or he, I did this purposely to show that the victims aren’t always female and rapists aren’t always men.....

hej då jag älskar dig❤️

(means “goodbye, I love you “ in Swedish)

CHINWEKENE❤️